How to Become the Leader You Wish You Had – Empowered Educator

We've all encountered leadership in various forms, and it's clear that not every leader leaves a lasting, positive mark. Many clients share a common aspiration: “I want to become the leader I wish I had.” But what sparks that deep longing for a different kind of leadership? What drives us to visualize a style that stands apart from our experiences? 

Becoming the Leader You Wish You Had: Part 1

Consider a common experience:

Principal Thompson walked the halls daily with his head down and a checklist in hand. Teachers and students often dread interactions that feel more like inspections than conversations. The atmosphere was tense, filled with relentless pressure to perform. No one asked a question to avoid bringing any attention to themselves.

Then, a transformative leader arrived in Principal Ramirez. She was a light of empathetic leadership, connecting with students and teachers with a warm smile and actively asking questions about what they were proud of and their needs. She inspired a unified focus on learning. When difficult decisions arose, she tackled them with curiosity. It was a space where every voice mattered, a stark contrast to the previous atmosphere.

We have various experiences with leaders who either empowered or diminished us. I acknowledge that some people’s presence can feel overbearing. However, I assume goodwill, that most of us want to do our best to support the school community. So, what happened for us to lose our focus on goodwill and turn into what we don't wish to be?

Be honest with yourself.

The pressures and relentless demands of the job, lack of focus, and other factors can get you off track. So, how can you be mindful of becoming the leader you wish you had?

The power of choice and action empowers us to become the leaders who inspire others.

It’s choosing:

• Empathy over authority The best leaders don’t just focus on outcomes but also care deeply about your growth, well-being, and purpose.
• Clarity and vision Strong leaders give direction, but great leaders also inspire. They bring people together around a shared purpose.
• Integrity and courage The best leaders stand for what’s right, even when it’s hard.

Leader Reflection:

Reflect on your past experiences and beliefs about leadership.

• How do they influence your current approach, and how might they limit your ability to connect with and inspire those around you?
• What evidence do you see or hear among your team that reflects this? 
• In what ways do my fears or insecurities hinder my capacity to practice empathy and foster an inclusive environment?
• How can I respond differently to overcome them?

Creating the culture you want to work in: Part 2

To “be the leader you wish you had” means owning your leadership journey. But what does this actually look like? When it comes to effective leadership, we can often name it and know it when we experience it. And yet, we may struggle to let go of old behavioral patterns or feel uncertain about how to lead, especially through tough issues. Let’s be honest: leading a school is demanding!

How do you respond when overwhelmed? The days when a parent demands you move their child to another teacher; your boss needs your report ASAP; and a safety crisis has your community feeling fear. Those days you have to step up and be the leader you wish you had.

Where can you find the space to assess how you show up authentically and intentionally? Two ways to check on your authenticity while also investing in others:

• Empathy Your team doesn’t just want direction; they want connection. Take the time to understand their challenges, aspirations, and fears. Leaders who actively listen earn trust.
• Curiosity The best leaders are builders of people. Investing in others means knowing what excites them and what they feel uncertain about. Questions that reflect genuine curiosity.

We’ve all heard the advice that people tend to work harder when they feel cared for. Consider the questions you ask your team that convey your genuine interest in their ideas. Each day, someone usually asks us how we’re doing, and we typically respond with a brief "I’m fine" before moving on with our day. But what if you approached your questions with a bit more depth? What might you learn? How might they feel as a result of a different conversation?

Leader Call to Action:

Spark some lively conversation with one of these prompts and see how people react:

• What has been a recent highlight for you? What are you proud of?
• What keeps you awake at night? If you had a magic wand, what would you change here?
• What has felt really difficult this week?
• What do you think we could try?
• What projects would you like to be more involved with? What new ideas have you been holding onto?

The journey to becoming a transformational leader is ongoing. 

As you reflect and grow, you’ll not only push your limits but also 

create a legacy that inspires others to do the same.