Joy, Joy, Joy? - Food for Thought
It was one of those days. You know, one of those life-y kind of days. Some unexpected bad news. Tech glitches that interrupted important conversations. More things on my list than hours in the day.
As the day was winding down, I was debriefing it with my daughter-in-law over FaceTime. She had been having the same kind of day. We went on for a little while, exchanging our tidbits of challenges and frustrations. Then, as I was listening to her talk, her face disappeared, and a new one had replaced it.
It was Spiderman.
Wordlessly, he stared at me. Then he settled into the chair he had pulled into the kitchen where his mom was talking to me and just continued to stare.
I laughed out loud. My heart felt like it was going to burst with… what was this sudden feeling? Joy. Delight. Absolute delight.
One moment I was completely immersed in my frustration and exhaustion and the next, I was flooded with joy. My energy lifted. The negativity gremlins that had been plaguing me all day had scattered. All because a two-year-old put on a mask and commanded my attention.
I’ve been captivated by this moment ever since. What was it, I wondered, that he actually did that could so literally and quickly flip my emotional (and neurochemical) experience on its head? How did he do that? And do you have to be two and put on a superhero mask to do it?
It's the holiday season and the word “Joy” is everywhere.
It’s on the cards in my mailbox, in the songs playing at the grocery store, emblazoned in lights in my neighbor’s yard. The word might be everywhere but the actual experience of it? That is a different thing entirely. Joy doesn’t come to me because a sign told me to feel it.
I think what sparked that joy in me when Spiderman appeared had something to do with the unexpected nature–and even silliness–of it. Deeper yet, he was owning that silliness My grandson wasn’t just pretending to be Spiderman, he was being Spiderman.
I had a conversation with a client recently about how all of the “versions” of ourselves remain with us throughout our lives and how biased we are about thinking only the latest and greatest one is who we should be every day. I often use the metaphor of the rings of a tree to describe this: as we live our lives, new rings of wisdom, understanding and sense-making can get added as we learn and grow. We literally create new versions of ourselves, while keeping those early versions stored inside. I might be in my sixties now, but all of my previous ages and stages are present. Yours are too.
In our conversation, my client was bemoaning the fact that she isn’t always her “best self”.
It got us talking about those rings of the tree and how every one of them has their strengths and weaknesses. We talked about how it is often important to operate from that “biggest” ring, but how sometimes those inner rings are still useful.
Like last night, when I got to play (in person!) with Spiderman and his big brother. Bringing my biggest, “best” self wasn’t going to create a lot of joy for any of us. Instead, I channeled my inner 7 year old and got really silly. I rolled on the floor with those two little boys, made weird faces, and ran around the house breaking a few rules. It was pure joy.
We talk a lot about maturing, developing and growing up. My vocational life has mostly been spent helping people do just that. It’s incredibly important for us all to keep at it.
And...
Owning those other versions of us are important too. Letting go a little, not taking ourselves so dang seriously, surprising ourselves (and others) with a bit of delight - how might that spark a bit of well needed joy?
- What bit of silliness might you embody today?
- What would it look like to go there and really own that part of yourself?
- What sparks joy and delight for you?
Just a little food for thought.