In your team meeting with your peers and boss this week, your colleague, who usually does most of the talking, proposed something that you thought was a pretty bad idea to move forward with. Your boss asked if anyone had any objections and no one spoke up, so the idea got approved. On your way out of the meeting, another colleague whispered to you, “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I’m just keeping my head down and doing my own work,” you sighed back.
The dysfunction feels heavy, but right now it’s easier to focus on your own deliverables than these petty conflicts.
We often think of silence as the opposite of conflict—peaceful, neutral, safe even. But the truth? Silence isn’t the absence of conflict—it’s another form of toxic conflict. It might even be the start of a silent retreat into apathy. And while it may feel like self-preservation, it creates ripples that hurt everyone.
Apathy breeds disconnection, and disconnection destroys trust.
By staying silent, you’re not just a bystander—you’re an active participant in creating the very dysfunction you’re trying to avoid. Silence isn’t safety; it’s sabotage.
Recognizing your silence as sabotage is the first step toward something better. Conflict doesn’t have to be toxic—it can be productive, healthy, and transformational. By breaking the silence, you can start shifting your team out of apathy and into connection, accountability, and trust.
When tension arises, resist the urge to smooth it over or let it slide. Instead, name it—directly and without apology. For example:
“I noticed we didn’t challenge that idea. What might we be avoiding?”
“I feel like there’s something unspoken here. What’s holding us back from talking about it?”
These questions do two things: they invite healthy conflict by creating space for dialogue, and they signal that avoidance isn’t acceptable. When you lean into discomfort, you model curiosity and courage—two key ingredients for a psychologically safe and high-performing team.
In a room of your peers and boss, breaking silence can feel risky—but it’s not about calling people out. It’s about framing conflict as shared ownership, expressing both curiosity and commitment.
Start with a stake in the outcome: “I care deeply about the success of this project, and I think we’re all invested in making it as strong as possible.”
Add a curious observation: “Something I’ve noticed is that we tend to avoid challenging ideas when we’re in a rush or when the stakes feel high. I wonder if that’s happening here?”
Finish with an invitation to engage: “What do other people notice? Is there something we need to discuss more openly before we move forward?”
When teams have a pattern of engaging in toxic conflict, the healthy conflict can often get buried beneath polite meetings, empty to-do lists, a lack of decisions, and occasionally back-channel conversations. If you can’t make changes to the agenda of your team meeting, you can safeguard the meetings you lead by adding this question:
“What’s one thing we need to address that’s been swept under the rug?”
Normalize surfacing uncomfortable topics early and often and practice wrestling within the tension. By doing this, you’re modeling that healthy, productive conflict isn’t something to fear—it’s the fuel for growth.
When you stay silent, you’re not avoiding conflict—you’re allowing dysfunction to thrive. Apathy erodes trust, stifles innovation, and sets a low bar for the culture around you. By choosing to speak up and lean into discomfort, you’re not just changing the moment—you’re changing the future of your team.